For Clients
Marriage and Family Therapist
Emotionally Focused Therapist
Rates
$275 for 50 minutes (individuals only)
$330 for 60 minutes
$413 for 75 minutes
$495 for 90 minutes
I recommend 75-90 minutes for couples therapy to start.
Insurance
I am considered an out of network provider and can give you a receipt so that you can get reimbursed from your insurance company. I highly recommend you call your insurance company to confirm coverage.
Cancellation Policy
Please give me 7 days notice for all cancelled appointments.
Services
Whether therapy is something you do individually or as a couple, change happens. Our brains are elastic, they are made to grow and rewire, no matter how ingrained your habits are.
Couples Therapy
What happens in couples therapy?
First we understand what kinds of patterns form the way you are together. We process underlying emotions, thoughts and behaviors in such a way that you start to change the rigid interactions between you. Then in an experiential way, you start to restructure your relationship cycles and start experiencing new ways to understand, communicate and bond with each other. From here you can choose where the relationship should go, or talk about issues in a supported and effective way.
Emotions are the shortcut to change.
Skills will be developed and insight developed, but it will come FROM the bonding and new corrective experiences, in that way the skills and experiences are SPECIFICALLY led and tailored to you.
“Emotional attunement, accessibility and responsiveness – a willingness to engage emotionally with another – is the core element. Emotion is the music of the dance of love and without emotional engagement love dies. Emotional disconnection is THE issue in relationships; conflict is just the inflammation caused by distance and unresponsiveness.” – Sue Johnson from her book Love Sense.
How does couples therapy look?
There’s a beginning, middle and end to Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. We follow a process, and while it’s not linear, it is a process we can all track!
Consultation: one person or both people call me for a consultation. You tell me about what’s going on and I answer any questions you may have.
First session: You will come in together for a 75 minute couples therapy session where I start to understand what the issues are, we get to know each other, I continue to answer any questions, and we get to work on the relationship.
Second and third session: You each come in for individual sessions.
Feedback session: We come back together and talk about what needs to be done collectively and individually to help you reach your goals and a path to get there. We ask and answer questions such as: How do you both contribute to your disconnection and dissatisfaction? What drives your negative behaviors? Is my approach the right one for you? Do you feel you can successfully work with me? Do I feel that I can successfully work with you? Is therapy likely to succeed? What changes do you both need to make to improve your relationship? Do you want to commit to making these changes? Do you want to continue therapy? We decide together to continue, pause or stop therapy.
Fifth session and beyond: We usually meet all together, but occasionally as needed I will meet with you individually. You start off by each talking to me, but as we progress and as you need me and therapy less you talk as a couple more.
Individual Psychotherapy
Individuals come to psychotherapy for a variety of reasons ranging from social anxiety, work stress/pressure, unsatisfying relationships, trauma, and feelings of depression and worry.
The process of change is understood neurologically. So, we aren’t just diving in and hoping for the best. Instead, armed with brain research on neural patterning, we take deliberate steps to help get you where you want to go.
Humans are social beings, and our sense of self is created and defined through relationships. Therefore, it is in relationships where healing happens. In individual therapy, having a secure therapeutic relationship is the context where we get to the bottom of the stresses and difficulties you face. Creating secure connections between you and your current relationships as well as you and your past relationships are important. And we also look at the relationship you have with yourself and your many facets, to foster a secure connection with yourself.
Over the years I’ve worked with a lot of long-term complicated (ingrained, stuck, seemingly hopeless) problems with clients. I like to see clients walking out with resilience so that they can self-correct and have internalized new ways of being.
AF-EMDR
I’ve been deepening the application of EMDR, most lately AF-EMDR.
"Attachment-Focused EMDR is an orientation to the practice of EMDR.
AF-EMDR is client-centered and emphasizes a reparative therapeutic relationship using a combination of Resource Tapping (Parnell, 2008) to strengthen clients, EMDR to process traumas and talk therapy to help integrate the information from EMDR sessions and to provide healing derived from therapist-client interactions.
AF-EMDR can be used for clients with severe early attachment trauma, as well as for all clients who require that the therapist attend to their needs as unique individuals. AF-EMDR has five guiding principles that define it."
*From the AF-EMDR website at https://parnellemdr.com/our-approach/
Intensives
The purpose of an intensive session is to spend more time together and amplify progress with specific goals and objectives in mind. This is temporarily only for current clients; with the intention to expand the offering soon.
Sex Therapy
Sometimes a couple’s sexual connection automatically improves as the emotional connection gets stronger. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes the sexual disconnection isn’t directly related to the emotional connection or needs to be understood and worked on from a different angle as well as the emotional one.
Sex therapy sessions don’t look any different than individual or couples therapy – we just talk about everything, yes anything sexual is fair game, any sexual terms, preferences, desires, fears, trauma, real and perceived problems and dysfunctions.
FAQ
What’s the definition of Couples Therapy?
Relationship 1. (noun) The way in which things are connected or work or behave together.
Can couples counseling help us?
Research-wise the percentages are good. There is a 70-75% recovery rate after 10-12 sessions. 90% of couples report significant improvement. There is now a substantial body of research – 30 years worth. Research has shown that the methodology of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) indeed works, EFT’s process of change has been validated and EFT therapists are trained to effectively intervene.
Are we too far gone for marriage counseling to work?
In outcome studies, initial distress levels aren’t related to a positive outcome, It’s the ENGAGEMENT in the tasks of therapy that predict outcome.
How do we know when couples counseling is done?
The short answer is you are done when your partner is a reliable source of security, comfort and protection…
How do I bring up the hard stuff in couples therapy? (without hurting him/her)
This can be tricky because sometime it’s a relief for both when the topic is broached, and sometimes it makes things worse for awhile. Start slow, let me know individually what’s going on and then we will work on a plan to tell your partner safely. Disclosure is the better path in the long run.
What if we don’t get into the hard stuff in couples therapy?
If you see that the real issues aren’t being talked about, either bring that up in session or reach out to me individually.
Will couples therapy make us worse?
Things could get worse before they get better, especially if there’s a lot that hasn’t been talked about. AND it doesn’t necessarily follow that in the long term that therapy will make you worse. Short term discomfort for long term gain.
Will our therapist be fair to each of us? Will she take a side?
It is never a couple’s therapist’s job to take sides. I’ve not yet seen a dynamic that’s one sided. Each part of the couple holds 100% responsibility.
I’m looking for therapy in San Francisco. How do I know if you are right for me?
The most important factor in choosing is your sense of trust with the therapist. I know this is intuitive, but a sense of safety and being able to talk when therapy isn’t working is an essential part of finding the right therapist.
There are so many couples therapists in San Francisco! How do I choose?
If you have a lot of experience in therapy, you might know which modality works for you In particular, with couples therapy be sure that the therapist specializes in couples. Timing is often key with couples, as coordinating three people’s schedules is more complicated than two. Many of my clients live or work near the San Francisco financial district, so therapy with me is a good fit. Most importantly you must both feel safe and agree as a couple on the person you choose.
What is psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy 1. A treatment process to help people deal with psychological issues 2. (origins) Greek psyche “breath spirit soul” and therapeia “healing” “medical treatment”. Psychotherapy as I practice is the art and science of uncovering what we need to know and turning that into experiential change that influences your real life for the better.
Will individual psychotherapy help?
Meta-analysis of hundred of studies on this over the years have come up with clear answers. There are consistent strong indicators that psychotherapy does help and at times has a result that is equal or greater than that from psychotropic medication. It has also been shown that the effectiveness has less to do with the type of psychotherapy and more to do with the quality of the relationship between therapist and client.
How long will couples therapy take?
That depends on a few different factors. Have these painful patterns been going on for many years? Are either of you addicted to alcohol or substances? Have your fights gotten physical? Have you had an affair? Do either of you have trauma in your past? If you answer yes to any of these questions then the process could take longer.