What to do after marrying the wrong person?
“Why you will marry the wrong person” was published in the New York times by Alan de Botton, and he gives us a quirky and
intelligent answer. “We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. This is normal, this is human behavior. Not the perfect person for you – a quest like looking for fountain of youth but someone who disagrees well, knows how to argue concede and rework ideas with you.”
We’re wrong for each other, I’m outta here.
Some couples come to counseling certain they are with the right person and while others come in undecided purgatory. As a therapist I can’t say what’s right for you, and you could have married the wrong person, but so what? Perhaps you made a lust infused, naive romantic choice, or maybe one based on the solid reasoning of the time. Forget whether that was right or wrong, it’s what you do now that shows what your marriage is made out of.
Nice to meet you, here’s how I’m crazy…and you?
Being in intimate relationship is heart expanding and scary as hell – all normal when playing at big love. You can decide to start over, but beware of thinking the relationship pains will melt away. Or as De Botton puts it, “One of the privileges of being on our own is therefore the sincere impression that we are really quite easy to live with.” And I’ll add that one of the privileges of starting over again is assuming that hereafter you will be easy to live with. A strong bond will bring insecurities and broken pieces of you to the surface, and that can be a good thing.